Does Your Social Media Reflect What You See in Real Life? (It Should)
What we focus on grows. It’s a simple but profound truth—one that applies to everything from personal goals to the stories we tell ourselves about love and dating. As a single person, when I scroll through social media, I find endless horror stories about dating—ghosting, breadcrumbing, catfishing, and viral threads like Who TF Did I Marry?
But when I go out into the world, the reality seems different. I see families, couples holding hands, people on dates at cozy cafes, and the occasional public proposal. So, I often ask myself: What’s real? Is dating really as bad as social media makes it seem, or are we just feeding the narrative we’ve been conditioned to focus on? Is there a puppet master online leading us to believe that we’re making organic, independent actions—or are we being triggered and manipulated? What would be the goal for doing so?
These are important questions, and they should encourage us to explore the disconnect between online narratives and real-life interactions—and why what we focus on matters.
1. The Social Media Effect: Amplifying the Negative
I know, I know. You’ve heard this before. We’ve all heard this before. But are you aware of it when you’re scrolling online, or are you on autopilot, seeking a dopamine hit?
What’s Happening: Social media thrives on drama and extremes. Negative dating stories—breakups, bad dates, and toxic relationships—get more engagement because they’re relatable, entertaining, and often cathartic. In fact, a 2022 survey by Dating.com found that 60% of singles believe social media has made dating harder, with many citing the prevalence of negativity and unrealistic expectations.
Examples: Viral threads like Who TF Did I Marry? or TikTok rants about ghosting dominate the fyps of single women, creating the impression that dating is a minefield.
Why It Matters: These narratives can skew our perception of reality, making dating seem harder and more hopeless than it actually is. But remember: what we focus on grows. And if we’re not careful, we’ll keep feeding the algorithm exactly what it wants—more negativity, more drama, and more reasons to believe that love is a lost cause.
2. How Algorithms Shape Our Reality
Should they really have that much power? At first, algorithms were used to personalize our experience. To ensure that cat people see cats and dog people see dogs. But there’s been a sinister shift. Algorithms are now designed to keep us engaged, and they do this by feeding us content that aligns with our past behavior—while testing to see what new types of content can enrage (I mean engage) us. If you’ve ever clicked on a negative dating story, the algorithm takes note and serves you more of the same.
The most important question here is WHY? Why not show a dating narrative where the person finds a compatible match? Why not show single men more content about pickleball and developing AI skillsets? Instead, they’re inundated with content that makes them feel isolated, encouraging them to believe the worst in women. A 2022 survey by OkCupid found that liberal users outnumber conservatives 3-to-1 on the platform, making it harder for conservatives to find like-minded partners. And a 2021 study by Hinge revealed that 76% of users said they wouldn’t date someone with opposing political views, further polarizing the dating landscape.
If I ever get the opportunity, I’d like to depose the person who said, “Women only go after the top 10% of men on apps.” It’s the one statistic I hear over and over, and it leaves no room to make small changes that could get them into the top 15% or 20%. These men still get dates, and they’re probably better off than the ones drowning in too many matches.
Why It Matters: Algorithms don’t just reflect our interests anymore—they actively shape our worldview, leading us (unknowingly) into echo chambers that reinforce specific narratives. Narratives that are not necessarily real or true. And the more we engage, the more we feed the beast, perpetuating cycles of negativity and division. By being mindful of what we consume and share, we can take back some control and reshape the narrative.
3. Real-Life Love: What We See Around Us
One of the main reasons we write Syngle Economics is to promote a stronger understanding of the singles experience alongside the well-established narrative of being partnered and coupled. But I sometimes worry that single men and women might be led to disdain marriage—or even connection itself—as a result of what they’re exposed to online.
What’s Happening: In real life, connection is everywhere. Couples holding hands, people on dates, friends sharing a drink after work, pet owners doting on their furry companions, and even small gestures like a smile or a greeting from a stranger are still everyday occurrences. These moments don’t go viral, but they’re just as real—and often more meaningful. A 2023 report by Eventbrite found that 75% of singles prefer meeting people in person at events or through friends rather than online.
Why It Matters: Real-life observations remind us that love and connection are still thriving, even if they’re not as visible online. By focusing on reality and the simplicity of moments that connect us, we can cultivate a more hopeful outlook. After all, life isn’t lived through a screen—it’s lived in the quiet, unscripted moments that remind us we’re not alone.
4. The Role of Confirmation Bias
Confirmation bias plays a big role in how we perceive dating. If we’re constantly exposed to negative stories online, we start to believe that’s the norm—even if our own experiences (or what we see around us) tell a different story. And, we start to hone ourselves to ‘only’ notice those types of experiences in the real world.
Examples: If you’ve had a bad date, you might be more likely to engage with negative dating content, reinforcing the idea that dating is terrible. A 2019 study by Plenty of Fish found that 78% of millennials have been ghosted, and 88% have experienced breadcrumbing (leading someone on without commitment).
Why It Matters: Understanding confirmation bias can help us take online narratives with a grain of salt and focus on our own experiences. What we focus on grows, so let’s focus on the good.
5. The Power of Positive Stories
What’s Happening: Positive dating stories exist, and there are micro-influencers who want to bring joy and inspiration to the world—but they (like this little newsletter) just don’t get as much attention online. The story of the 50-year-old woman who finally meets a compatible match doesn’t seem to “grease the wheel” of the algorithm. And when these stories do surface, our unchecked humanity might dismiss them if we haven’t yet found our person.
We have to seek these stories out and we have to engage with them. This is one of the easiest hacks to turn something in your life around. Hear from those who have achieved it. A 2020 study by Stanford University found that 39% of heterosexual couples and 65% of same-sex couples met their partners online, proving that love can still blossom in the digital age.
Why It Matters: Just like choosing who we surround ourselves with helps our career and personal growth, choosing stories that are positive and represent overcoming challenges and adversity can also help us achieve the lifestyle we want—one that acknowledges the struggles but also celebrates the wins. I’d like to see a world where young men seek out the content of other ambitious young men who are starting a small business or a side hustle. Or perhaps stories where young men overcome drug or porn addiction. What we focus on grows, and what we let into our minds makes itself at home there. So, we’d all be better off focusing on the love that’s all around us—and the stories that remind us it’s possible.
6. Social Media is the Matrix, but You’re NOT Neo
I’m not against the internet. I work in tech. But I truly believe that going on social media today is like Neo stepping into The Matrix—except we’re not Neo, and we’re often unaware of the traps and mind tricks ahead. Algorithms are designed to keep us scrolling, even if it means feeding us content that makes us believe a lie or feel worse about ourselves.
You Have to Take Control:
Let Go of Negativity: Unfollow accounts that spread negativity or make you feel bad about dating. Follow accounts that inspire you and reflect the world you want to see.
Engage with Positive Content: Like, comment on, and share posts that celebrate love, connection, and personal growth. This tells the algorithm what you really want to see.
Limit Your Time: Set boundaries for how much time you spend on social media. The less time you spend in the “matrix,” the less power it has over your mindset.
Create Your Own Narrative: Share your own positive stories and experiences. By contributing to the narrative, you can help shift the conversation in a more hopeful direction.
Spend More Time in the Real World: Adopt the evening (or morning) constitutional. Join an interest-based group—perhaps board games, hiking, or book clubs—and get out of the house. It’s ironic that our homes should be the safest place, but when we couple that with the overconsumption of social media, it can lead to unhealthy mindsets and worldviews.
Why It Matters: Protecting your mentality is more important than ever. By taking control of your social media experience, you can create a feed that reflects the world you want to live in—one filled with love, connection, and possibility. And remember: navigating the world with vulnerability—whether online or offline—can make your life more rewarding. It’s okay to let your guard down and embrace the messy, beautiful process of connection.
7. Your Social Media Engagement is Worth Billions: The TikTok Power Struggle
It’s worth billions to governments and corporations—but the average user (you) will never share in that.
The recent power struggle over TikTok—with governments and corporations vying for control of the platform—highlights just how valuable our attention and social media engagement are. TikTok has over 1 billion active users worldwide, and its algorithm is one of the most sophisticated in the world, capable of shaping opinions, behaviors, consumer habits, and even cultural trends. But here are some important questions:
Why does our behavior need to be shaped? Why do we give our engagement and attention away so freely?
The fight over who controls TikTok underscores the immense power that comes with access to the social media data we generate through use.
If you don’t think your social media engagement is important, the TikTok saga should tell you everything you need to know. Every like, comment, and share feeds into the algorithm, influencing not just what you see but also how you’ll think and feel next. A 2023 survey by Pew Research found that 64% of Americans are concerned about how their data is used by social media platforms, with TikTok being a focal point due to its ties to China.
By being mindful of what you engage with, you can take back some of that power and shape your own online experience. After all, your attention is valuable—don’t give it away for free.
Conclusion
The truth about dating lies somewhere between the horror stories we see online and the love we observe in real life. While social media can make dating seem like a minefield, the reality is that connection is still happening—and thriving.
By being mindful of the narratives we consume and focusing on our own experiences, we can build a more balanced and hopeful view of love. After all, what we focus on grows. And as you navigate this journey, remember that vulnerability is not a weakness—it’s a strength. It’s what allows us to connect deeply, authentically, and meaningfully with others.
The TikTok power struggle is a stark reminder of just how much our data matters. By taking control of your social media experience and being mindful of what you share and engage with, you can protect your mentality and create a feed that reflects the world you want to live in.
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