It’s Memorial Day.
Today, we pause to honor and thank every veteran who made the ultimate sacrifice through their service.
Their commitment shaped the freedoms we enjoy, and their memory deserves our deepest respect.
Memorial Day is also a time when families gather - BBQs, picnics, dinners, and reunions that bring everyone together. And if you’re single, there’s a good chance you’ll be walking into at least one conversation about your relationship status. The questions. The assumptions. The unsolicited advice.
🚀 Now is a great time for my usual disclaimer. I’m not about hating on relationships or marriage. When they’re healthy, those express the best in humanity. I am about recognizing that singleness isn’t a problem nor is it something that can be fixed with shame and awkward questions.
Yet, somehow, the people at the cookout - who haven’t thought about their own happiness in years - still make it a point to wonder if you need saving from a life you might actually be enjoying.
⚡ So, before the invasive questions start flying across the potato salad, let’s talk about three outdated ones that need to disappear forever.
There’s a difference between genuine curiosity and projecting outdated assumptions onto someone’s life.
Too many people ask these questions because they frankly don’t know better or perhaps because they still live in a world that prioritizes traditional partnerships. To them I say - it’s 2025! Technology is everywhere, the world is overpopulated, and both men and women are capable of creating a desirable life for themselves. And further more, a lot of people are questioning whether marriage still works for today’s world.
To them, I say, it’s time to acknowledge that traditional marital relationships aren’t the only form of fulfillment in life.
Like many of you, I’ve heard these questions a thousand times, and every time I’ve wondered if the asker really knows me as a person or cares about me and what I want for myself out of life.
If you’ve ever caught yourself about to ask one of these. Try taking a pause. Then ask something better. Something that suggests you’re trying to bond or build connection. That will be much better received.
Ready? Here we go.
1 "Still single?"
This question screams “I’m from a world where we got married because that’s what was expected of us.” The question can come from a place of internal discomfort with ones own situation. Or, for that matter, it could come from someone who’s wrestling with the fact that they perhaps married the wrong person to meet society’s expectations.
What kind of response are they expecting from me? Do they want me to tear up or hang my head in shame? Do they want me to apologize? Or perhaps slap my forehead while saying “Oh no, I totally forgot to fall in love!”.
The only thing this question proves is that the asker is lacking in social skills and their goals for asking the question indicate at best that they’re struggling with their own choices. At worst, they’re projecting their regrets onto me. Whether someone is actively dating, not looking, or thriving in their independence - this question unfairly minimizes their life accomplishments to a relationship. One they might not have. And one they might not want.
Now I don ‘t know your family. You do. So here are three responses designed to either Keep the Peace, Show a Little Edge, or to Outright Put a Family Member in Their Place.
☮️ Keep the Peace: “Yes, I’ve never been happier. It gives me time to focus on things that make me happy. My career, travel, friendships. How about you? Are you happy?”
⚡ Show a Little Edge: “Funny, I was just about to ask you if marriage is everything you thought it’d be. Do tell?“
🔥🔥Put Them in Their Place: “Ah, I didn’t realize my relationship status was on the agenda today. Let’s make it fair - we’ll talk about me being single right after we unpack how your marriage is going. Who’s starting?”
2 "Do you ever get lonely?"
Now depending on who asks this, you’ll know their intent. My 14 year old niece is probably genuinely curious. My cousin who’s been in a one-sided competition with me my entire life is just being a bitch.
Coming from her, it’s less about concern and more about making singleness sound like some barren wasteland full of people who just can’t get their act together. What my wonderful cousin doesn’t know is that being alone is not the same as loneliness.
If she did, she would know that she’s lonelier in her marriage than I am in my singleness. For the record, people can tell a lot more about your relationship from your Instagram posts than from the ring on your finger. There are people who feel far lonelier in marriage than someone who’s built a fulfilling solo life. But I digress. Here are 3 options for a suitable response:
☮️ Keep the Peace: “Not really! My schedule has been pretty full, my friendships are solid, and I don’t have to share the blankets at night. Honestly, it’s been a pretty good setup."
⚡ Show a Little Edge: “I mean, some couples spend entire dinners scrolling on their phones instead of talking… so you tell me, who’s really lonely?“
🔥🔥 Put Them in Their Place: “Honestly, being single has never made me feel lonely. What worries me more is the worst case scenario - being in a relationship with the wrong person. But hey, you tell me.”
3"Maybe you’re too picky?"
This one always make chuckle on the inside. Because no one has said this to a married couple. Ever. No one tells a newly engaged couple, “You should’ve settled for someone worse.” But for singles? Suddenly, standards are the problem. Truth is, settling won’t do you any favors. It’s no different than having a job that snuffs out your soul one day at a time.
I usually get this question from my uncle. My uncle who thinks expecting fidelity from a spouse is ‘being too picky’. He’s an ok uncle. He helped put me through college but this is one of those situations where you have to assert boundaries otherwise people will say whatever they want to you. To be fair, my uncle doesn’t let anyone get away with saying baseless things to him - so I won’t either. Here are some suitable responses to this question:
☮️ Keep the Peace: “You know me, I got my pickiness from you. We like quality over quantity.”
⚡ Show a Little Edge: “Expecting fidelity isn’t being picky, it’s expecting the bare minimum. But hey, I guess standards aren’t for everyone.“
🔥🔥 Put Them in Their Place: “Well, you did help put me through college, so at least we agree education is important. Maybe one day we’ll agree that basic respect in relationships is important too.”
Bringing It All Together
With that, I’m off to my own family gathering. I’ve decided to stop dreading family events. And I think you should too. Walking in with all that anxiety about probing questions and unsolicited advice will just drain your energy more than anything else.
Now, I prepare ahead of time just like anyone would for a class reunion.
I have an arsenal of responses for those inevitable questions. I deliver them with confidence, and move on.
Now I focus on enjoying the people who love me for who I am. I spend time with the family members who actually see me beyond my relationship status and I assert boundaries (like a pro) with the rest.
At the end of the day, your presence at a family gathering shouldn’t be about defending your singleness it’s about showing up as your full, thriving self.
Thank You
Let’s change the conversation. Instead of treating singleness like a problem to solve, let’s use time with our family and loved ones to actually ask questions that build connection, respect where people are, and don’t reduce someone’s identity to their romantic status.
💬 If you’re single, what’s a question you actually wish people would ask you instead?
📢 If you’d like a PART 2 to this article, comment PART 2 and we’ll queue up more responses to these awkward questions!
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