This is such an interesting topic. I personally believe that many people are too emotionally invested in their politics. Wanting to share CERTAIN core values with a potential partner (and friends) is a given, but all too often I'm confronted with people who want to exist in a closed-off filter bubble where no other perspectives or opinions are allowed to co-exist. I don’t feel that I have to be obnoxiously adamant about every single issue pertaining to my political views and (more importantly) I'm always open to listening to the reasons as to why someone might perceive something in a different way than I do, discussing it in a civilised manner.
Core values for me are more about basic principles such as honesty, loyalty, and respect... Political views can evolve as we change and/or grow older, so there's no guarantee a potential partner and I will always see eye to eye on every issue we're in agreement on now. That's why I wouldn't generally dismiss someone I otherwise have great chemistry with based soley on different political stances.
Hey @stephanieclemons! I think it's an interesting topic as well. I am based in NYC and have been over the past few years.
What I've noticed is that the tendency to politicize everything is has gotten to a point where it's now taking a toll on romantic relationships. It certainly wasn't always this way.
I have noticed that when I talk to friends who live outside of the USA, political views don't take center stage when it comes to seeking a partner.
It's all strange in the sense that picking sides and being divisive has become an ingrained part of the culture here. Sadly, only the politicians benefit from this but that's a different topic.
Your post is well articulated and matches my experience on & off apps the past 4 years. I’m taken aback sometimes at how many women come right out and say in their profile no Trump supporters and some go even further and say don’t try to match me if you EVER vote GOP period, end of story. I find it sad and closed minded. Yes, I’d rather know that up front than potentially invest the time learning it on a 1st date but it’s so f’ing narrow minded IMO. Personally would I thrive in a relationship w/a very liberal woman who is very progressive on every topic? Maybe not but I wouldn’t close my mind to it before meeting the person and talking!! I try to have an open mind in general. I admit I downplayed my political leaning when I used hinge and bumble. I live in LA and I promise that a guy will find matching women a barren wasteland if ID as conservative. There’s no nuance on the topic either; liberal, moderate and conservative are or were the options to choose on those apps as I recall (haven’t been on them in over a year). That’s still not very specific. Maybe the person is liberal in some ways but not in others, or conservative on Econ stuff but socially liberal. Anyway, it’s very frustrating. If not already avail on App Store there will soon need to be a conservative “hinge” and liberal “hinge” so we can go full tribal and live in our own little bubbles full time. 🤦♂️
Thanks, Chris. I wish there was a straightforward solution to all of this. I HOPE that the solution isn't different apps. I don't think we need more division.
Are you saying that there are only/mostly liberal women on dating apps?
In LA, for sure yes 100% which is reflective of the overall voter demo here. There are pockets around the area more GOP leaning (like Beverly Hills) but LA as a whole has been very progressive/liberal for many decades (40+ years? I don’t even know). Agree don’t want to see apps by political leaning either but it’s troubling to me how many women make blanket judgments about political affiliations here. I started using FB dating a little bit a few weeks ago and the same thing happens there.
Probably so but I’ve dated a few who lean politically different. It didn’t work out but I would never say, as a result, “if you voted for Kamala” don’t try to match me for Ex. That’s closed minded. If I said that, it implies I think I’ll never work out w/a person who votes differently than me no matter what. There is so much nuance missing regardless of how a person leans politically (far left, far right, moderate etc). That said I get it if a girl dated a guy who was 180 degrees diff politically and super obnoxious about it; that could “ruin” it. I’m just not a fan of blanket black and white statements as it relates to politics and would prefer to not live in an echo chamber (my own included). I’ve rethought a few of my positions over the years after a thoughtful, polite, convo with a couple women I casually dated.
That's true, there's certainly a cultural context within which it can be viewed, but definitely a phenomenon that can be observed more and more everywhere.
Did you watch the Good Fight? I came across it in late January. This couple did not have a chance. In the season finale, Kurt chooses being with her over his conservative values (as exemplified when he quits the NRA). Their relationship works if one of them was willing to give up their values. I don't see that type of scenario play out well in real life.
The nuance also comes into play here though because this was for tv. Diane was a staunch liberal and Kurt was a staunch conservative.
A conservative man that seeks A"liberal" women is a fool. "Liberal" women are all in with feminism, which is often openly hostile to men. A "liberal" woman could have a bad hair day, call a feminist lawyer, and destroy the man financially and emotionally and have him sent to jail - false accusations of domestic violence and rape are two ways that could happen. Conservative men are - not yet - MRAs that understand these issues. Sadly, many of them might learn these facts the hard way.
I have to agree.
This is such an interesting topic. I personally believe that many people are too emotionally invested in their politics. Wanting to share CERTAIN core values with a potential partner (and friends) is a given, but all too often I'm confronted with people who want to exist in a closed-off filter bubble where no other perspectives or opinions are allowed to co-exist. I don’t feel that I have to be obnoxiously adamant about every single issue pertaining to my political views and (more importantly) I'm always open to listening to the reasons as to why someone might perceive something in a different way than I do, discussing it in a civilised manner.
Core values for me are more about basic principles such as honesty, loyalty, and respect... Political views can evolve as we change and/or grow older, so there's no guarantee a potential partner and I will always see eye to eye on every issue we're in agreement on now. That's why I wouldn't generally dismiss someone I otherwise have great chemistry with based soley on different political stances.
Hey @stephanieclemons! I think it's an interesting topic as well. I am based in NYC and have been over the past few years.
What I've noticed is that the tendency to politicize everything is has gotten to a point where it's now taking a toll on romantic relationships. It certainly wasn't always this way.
I have noticed that when I talk to friends who live outside of the USA, political views don't take center stage when it comes to seeking a partner.
It's all strange in the sense that picking sides and being divisive has become an ingrained part of the culture here. Sadly, only the politicians benefit from this but that's a different topic.
Your post is well articulated and matches my experience on & off apps the past 4 years. I’m taken aback sometimes at how many women come right out and say in their profile no Trump supporters and some go even further and say don’t try to match me if you EVER vote GOP period, end of story. I find it sad and closed minded. Yes, I’d rather know that up front than potentially invest the time learning it on a 1st date but it’s so f’ing narrow minded IMO. Personally would I thrive in a relationship w/a very liberal woman who is very progressive on every topic? Maybe not but I wouldn’t close my mind to it before meeting the person and talking!! I try to have an open mind in general. I admit I downplayed my political leaning when I used hinge and bumble. I live in LA and I promise that a guy will find matching women a barren wasteland if ID as conservative. There’s no nuance on the topic either; liberal, moderate and conservative are or were the options to choose on those apps as I recall (haven’t been on them in over a year). That’s still not very specific. Maybe the person is liberal in some ways but not in others, or conservative on Econ stuff but socially liberal. Anyway, it’s very frustrating. If not already avail on App Store there will soon need to be a conservative “hinge” and liberal “hinge” so we can go full tribal and live in our own little bubbles full time. 🤦♂️
Thanks, Chris. I wish there was a straightforward solution to all of this. I HOPE that the solution isn't different apps. I don't think we need more division.
Are you saying that there are only/mostly liberal women on dating apps?
In LA, for sure yes 100% which is reflective of the overall voter demo here. There are pockets around the area more GOP leaning (like Beverly Hills) but LA as a whole has been very progressive/liberal for many decades (40+ years? I don’t even know). Agree don’t want to see apps by political leaning either but it’s troubling to me how many women make blanket judgments about political affiliations here. I started using FB dating a little bit a few weeks ago and the same thing happens there.
That is interesting to hear. I can see why you feel a need to downplay your political views on apps.
I don't know that the women are being closed minded, I would imagine that their lived experiences are informing their choices just as yours are.
Probably so but I’ve dated a few who lean politically different. It didn’t work out but I would never say, as a result, “if you voted for Kamala” don’t try to match me for Ex. That’s closed minded. If I said that, it implies I think I’ll never work out w/a person who votes differently than me no matter what. There is so much nuance missing regardless of how a person leans politically (far left, far right, moderate etc). That said I get it if a girl dated a guy who was 180 degrees diff politically and super obnoxious about it; that could “ruin” it. I’m just not a fan of blanket black and white statements as it relates to politics and would prefer to not live in an echo chamber (my own included). I’ve rethought a few of my positions over the years after a thoughtful, polite, convo with a couple women I casually dated.
That's true, there's certainly a cultural context within which it can be viewed, but definitely a phenomenon that can be observed more and more everywhere.
That means the fictional couple from the Good Fight never had a chance :-/
Did you watch the Good Fight? I came across it in late January. This couple did not have a chance. In the season finale, Kurt chooses being with her over his conservative values (as exemplified when he quits the NRA). Their relationship works if one of them was willing to give up their values. I don't see that type of scenario play out well in real life.
The nuance also comes into play here though because this was for tv. Diane was a staunch liberal and Kurt was a staunch conservative.
A conservative man that seeks A"liberal" women is a fool. "Liberal" women are all in with feminism, which is often openly hostile to men. A "liberal" woman could have a bad hair day, call a feminist lawyer, and destroy the man financially and emotionally and have him sent to jail - false accusations of domestic violence and rape are two ways that could happen. Conservative men are - not yet - MRAs that understand these issues. Sadly, many of them might learn these facts the hard way.
Having said that, there are a lot of conservative women that play the feminist card, too - like Nancy Mace.