It’s 2025 and I wanted to start the year off with a toast to the modern dating world—a swirling vortex of swipes, DMs, bad first dates and, let’s face it, the occasional catfish.
Amid the chaos, there’s a subset of singles are navigating the scene with a unique twist: celibacy.
And not just any celibacy—voluntary celibacy (volcel) and involuntary celibacy (incel). Let’s talk about it.
Volcel Vibes: The Power of Choice
Imagine you're a single woman (or man) who’s decided to take a step back from the dating frenzy. Maybe it's for personal growth, spiritual reasons, exhaustion or to manage the mental health issues you’ve developed from the endless carousel of dating apps.
Welcome to the volcel club, where you’ve made an empowering choice to practice celibacy. That choice makes you feel in charge again and you can see the most authentic parts of yourself re-emerge.
Why Go Volcel?
Women have realized that they are the ‘product’ on dating apps and they’re not happy about it. Freeing themselves from the mousewheel of talking stages, and situationships allows them to:
Focus and Flourish: Personal development never looked so good. With no dates cluttering your schedule, it's all about you—gym sessions, meditation, spa solo dates, reading marathons, and career goals.
Dating Detox: Avoiding the drama and finding clarity. It's like a juice cleanse, but for your love life.
Boundaries and Balance: Because they set boundaries like a pro, volcels often find balance in other areas of life. Plus, it's a great conversation starter at parties. And, a great way to let people know what kind of partner you seek.
Incel Insights: The Unwanted Reality
Now, flip the coin. Imagine a world where you want to be out there dating, to seek companionship, but for reasons beyond your control, you’re stuck on the bench watching from the sidelines. While other goofballs seem to be falling in love ass backward. This is the incel experience—it’s a frustrating and isolating journey.
Why Involuntarily Celibate?
Men have realized that modern women want a level of mental health, emotional maturity and providership that they are not always comfortable with. And the lack of those abilities sometimes make men uncomfortable which results in women being disinterested.
Dating Doldrums: It’s not for your lack of trying. Swipe right, swipe left, message here, message there—sometimes the dating gods just aren’t in your favor.
Societal Stigma: The "incel" label often carries a negative connotation, but what we overlook is that it's about unfulfilled desires and the struggle to connect with the people we desire.
Frustration and Fertility: The emotional toll can be heavy because it feels like the world rejected you. Because society doesn’t have a response for this stage of life, people are left figuring it out on their own. Some retreat into themselves, others project their issues onto other genders, others join alt right groups and a small few reach out for help.
Gender Dynamics: Who’s More Likely?
Interestingly, research shows that women are more likely to be volcels, while men more often find themselves in the incel camp. According to a survey by the Kinsey Institute, about 16.5% of women and 9% of men described themselves as "single by choice," whereas 3.3% of men and 2.3% of women identified as involuntarily celibate.
The Humor in the Struggle
There is some humor to this struggle, if you’re willing and have the capacity to laugh at yourself and the circumstances life has thrown your way. Whether you’re a volcel or an incel, the dating landscape offers a lot of great stories, adventure and comedic relief.
The Takeaway
Whether you're celibate by choice or circumstance, there's a lot of power in taking the time to understand and embrace your journey. What choices led you here? What are you willing change? Whatever it is, remember that if you’re genuinely seeking companionship, you have to be equipped to OFFER genuine companionship.
So, here’s to all the singles out there navigating what seems to be a dating tirefire. If you find yourself practicing any version of celibaby, good for you! May your self-discovery be empowering, your memes be funny, and your future dates (if you choose to have them) be nothing short of epic.
If incels are using pornography they are not celibate, obviously. I suspect they are. So most of them are delusional. Celibacy has been practiced for thousands of years. It never involved the self indulgence of porno and one handing it. Incels are just pornified bachelors.
The "incel" label often carries a negative connotation, but what we overlook is that it's about unfulfilled desires and the struggle to connect with the people we desire.