Modern dating issues strike again!
The humble coffee date has now become a point of contention in the midst of an economically stretched, high inflation dating landscape.
While men see coffee dates as a low-pressure way to get to know someone , many women are put off by the lack of effort and consideration.
The typical cost of a first date is typically upwards of $50 (across all age groups). Yet, many feel that trying to find love is worth it but dating is just too expensive.
SyngleEconomycs explored both male and female perspectives (hetero normative dating) to understand why the idea of a coffee date ($15 - $20) now stirs up such strong feelings. Keep reading.
The Ladies’ Perspective
1. Women Want Effort and Intent. Women are turned off by the idea of a coffee date because it signals a lack of effort and creativity. They might interpret it as a casual, almost indifferent approach to dating and one not worth their time or their energy. For many women, a more traditional date, like dinner or an activity, demonstrates more clearly that a man is genuinely interested in them and willing to invest time and effort into getting to know them.
2. Low Perception of Value / Discount Dating. When being romantically approached, women often want to feel valued, considered and appreciated. A coffee date shows low consideration for many women. It is typically shorter and less expensive, and can easily be replicated among many dates. This can lead many women to feelings of being undervalued or not taken seriously. These women are most likely to decline such a date and move on.
3. Communicates a Poor Message. For some women, the suggestion of a coffee date could undermine how they like to feel within a relationship. They believe that accepting a coffee date lowers their value in the man’s eyes. Other women tend to believe that the coffee date provides an unexciting view into the man’s finances (or lack thereof). Because of that, many women will reject an offer for a coffee date.
To the ladies who feel this way, we encourage them to trust their instincts. Only they can know the kind of relationship they want. Women who discard their intuition and the standards they have created for themselves often find themselves in unfulfilling and unhealthy relationships.
The Men’s Perspective
1. Practicality and Convenience. Men date differently than women do. Women are typically trying to find one compatible partner, while many men are interested in casting a wide net. With this approach, men are prioritizing a low-commitment option that benefits their wallet allowing them to set up many coffee dates with many different women. The idea is that both parties get to gauge their interest without the pressure of a longer, more expensive outing. Although there’s some practicality to this idea, men may be better off realizing that if they have met a woman they are really excited about, it’s likely that she won’t be interested in a coffee date.
2. Financial Considerations. Dating can be expensive for men who want to stick within a certain a budget. To this group, coffee dates are an attractive and affordable option. They might feel that it’s unfair to be judged for choosing a date that is financially manageable. However, these men can take some relief in understanding that if a woman rejects an offer for a coffee date, it’s likely that she is used to operating in a more flexible budget. For men who are dating on a budget, it could be a green flag to match with a woman who is open to a coffee date because it is likely that she is mindful about her budget in the same way.
3. Focus on Conversation. Men might also appreciate the simplicity of a coffee date because it allows for genuine conversation. Without the distractions of a more elaborate setting, they can focus on getting to know the woman and seeing if there’s a real connection. Where things often go wrong is when men assume that the woman their asking out is also seeking the same level of simplicity.
To the men who are genuinely seeking connection, we encourage you to keep asking desirable matches out on coffee dates. Appreciate and acknowledge that there will be many women who will not be interested in that kind of date. Instead, hold out for the woman who is open to focusing on connection and a more simplistic approach to dating. Relationships have a better chance of lasting when both parties feel the same way about spending habits and judging.
Bringing it all Together
The coffee date debate highlights the complexities of modern dating that cannot be overstated. By understanding and respecting each other’s perspectives, both men and women can navigate this terrain with empathy and openness. After all, the best dates are those where both people feel valued, heard, and excited about the possibility of a future together.
What are your thoughts on coffee dates? Have you had any memorable experiences, good or bad? Let’s keep the conversation going!